At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
