It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
