what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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