I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
