I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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