You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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