I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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