your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
