K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
