Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You are a genius and a whore.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
