What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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