So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
