I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
