Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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