I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
