i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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