I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
