I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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