Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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