Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
