So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
