When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
