well I can't set my house on fire every night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
