"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
