we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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