It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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