my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
PANTIES FOUND
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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