My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
