she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
