since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dicks are not precious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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