I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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