I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
