we have officially lost it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
