seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
