i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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