im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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