This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
