u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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