im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
