Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
