I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
