Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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