Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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