I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she woke up with a sticky ear
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
