it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize