found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
