so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
