stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
