you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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