i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
