i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
