a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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