she was so not down for the gang bang
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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