hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
