yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
