Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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