So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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