if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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