happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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