we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
