How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
