Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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