Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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