I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
