You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
