lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
