dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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