Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
