he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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