this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
