Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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