i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
