I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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