listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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