when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize