Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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