your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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