Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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