I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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