I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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