we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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