Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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