my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
