This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
