dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
