Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
